June 2014

Spark and Stubble

In these paintings, I have used images that are directly related to my body, as well as the bodies of men that I have loved and desired. The reclaiming of the gay male body – and all of its inherent sexuality and vulnerability – has connotations that have been deeply personal and political for me. Long ascribed to outlaw status, gay men have historically transgressed heterosexual procreative norms by engaging in sexual activity and fluid gender roles grounded in connectivity, brotherhood, and pleasure. As payment for this flagrant disobedience, gay men and their bodies have been devalued, despised, and punished, sharing the psychic and physical wounds of others who have also been reduced to dishonorable status by society. The repossession of one’s body comes through unflinching acts of pride, resiliency, and resistance. A potent example of this has been the queer community’s now historic response to the AIDS crisis. Gay men and lesbians have confronted the hostile indifference from society and the deliberate inactivity by people in power, repeatedly countering popular ideology that has inaccurately blamed a health epidemic on the irresponsible and bad behavior of sexual deviates and substance users.

As a proud gay man in long-term recovery from addiction, I have spent considerable time learning about and educating others on the connections between addiction, sexuality, and oppression. I have done this in simultaneous roles as activist, community organizer, and artist. For me, making art has always been a balance between expression and communication. In recent years, I have used my art to examine my life as it has been lifted from a foundation of marginalization, self-contempt, and shame. This process of healing and liberation has led towards a raised consciousness regarding the harmful and often traumatic effects that sexism and homophobia have had on my life, as well as the lives of others. It is in this spirit that I make work that directly addresses these as life and death issues. The work has yielded tremendous rewards, despite the costs and consequences of revealing truths that ultimately create discomfort in those who have secured a great investment in lies. A compelling insistence on honesty and authenticity ultimately erodes forces that are designed to control and deaden our bodies, our lives, and our souls.

In this age of “family friendly” consciousness, my intention is not to shock or offend. Instead, I wish to honor the queer body and same-sex desire as shameless and sacred. My intention is to generate universal themes of fighting and overcoming oppression through narratives, memories, and desires that are specific to my experience. I aspire to achieve a higher moral ground by uplifting that which is often vilified as dirty and obscene, resetting the boundaries of what is considered beautiful and worthy of respect. By deliberately exposing male flesh and insisting on the sanctification of the phallus, I have dared to defy firmly entrenched cultural taboos that forbid male nudity and serve to disempower and desexualize gay male experience. It is in this space that I stand with others – past and present – who have worked to recalibrate the parameters of moral decency and reframe our sexual lives and identities as lovely, exquisite, and worthy of an uncompromised and self-defined esteem.

These paintings are infused with a long personal history of an evolving feminist and queer sensibility and contain references and influences from a diverse variety of cultural sources. These influences include dada and surrealism, pop art, propaganda and political art, pulp fiction illustration, roadway signage, psychedelic and punk rock graphics, muscle car detailing, and vintage physique magazines. Over time, I have developed a visual vocabulary, formal skills, and working methods that are closely aligned with my chosen subject matter. My love of bold and lurid colors is infused with the restless throb of a masculine sex drive. For me, these colors evoke carnival amusement rides, seaside motels, and the recklessness of a drug-induced young manhood. I layer surfaces with candy and metalflake glazes, iridescent overlays, and crystalline veneers. These form skins of sugary sweetness that barely conceal the meat and gristle underneath, embedded with the coarse grit of testosterone, the unmistakable tang of male sweat, and the potent urgency of semen. These images are lifted and altered from advertising and gay erotica, combined with words and symbols to suggest poetic yearnings, amorous quests, and off-color urges. Magnetically drawn to the spark and stubble of sullen youth and rough men, my interest remains tied to developing and defining a queer masculinity that is sturdy, tough, and unwavering, while exuding a spirit of tenderness, grace, and utter fabulousness.

Visit the artist’s website at www.tomhillartist.com